Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Being an idiot

OK so I'm an idiot.

But does it make it any better if I know I'm an idiot? 

Of course I'd be better off if I wasn't an idiot in the first place, but idiots can't stop themselves from doing idiotic things in the first place. This doesn't help things in the slightest. I wish I could write about what I'm being an idiot about, but the Internet is a big place and if I can't even keep secrets from myself then I'd probably go insane.

All I really wish for Christmas is that I no longer be so idiotic.

Tuesday, December 04, 2012

Putting thoughts to the screen

Being halfway through a bottle of wine always seems to make me a little bit deeper. Deeper in shit or deeper into my thoughts is a subject of debate. Its also possible that shit and my thoughts are more or less the same thing, so maybe its not really a debate at all. Drinking by myself is something I used to give people crap for, and I suppose this is the point where I finally understand what its all about.

If you combine that with the fact that nobody will read this for a long time,  it makes me want to write down everything I'm thinking right now.

But what am I thinking?

Actually its a lot of things:
  • Should I quit my job because its unsatisfying?
  • What would I do if I did actually quit my job?
  • Is it actually a new start I'm looking for?
  • I could actually have a new start if I just stayed, since everyone else is moving on
  • Parts of the reason why I wanted to leave in the first place have gone away
  • I need new friends
  • Maybe I should stop thinking too much
  • Maybe I should move out
  • I need to go for a run
  • Phil Collins is classic
  • You can't hurry love, you'll just have to wait
OK so that last part was inspired by what I'm listening to.

Maybe I should really just go for what I want more often, and stop just fucking around.

Travelling around Mekong

The Mekong river goes through 5 different countries and amazing to think that I've actually been through 4 of them now. Myanmar is still on the list of places to go but I think its a little harder to do than the rest of them. Actually its probably only just a little more expensive, and that not too many people actually want to go, which I guess all adds up to a little bit harder.

Lets start from the source.

Even though I've never actually been anywhere close to the Mekong river while in China, its a bloody big country, and I've only seen parts of it. The big parts with lots of cars and trucks and people doing squatties on the side of the street.

I've written about China in previous posts, and even did one where I would say I would talk about how everything there is a little bit half baked. But now it turns out that theres a book written about how the entire country is half baked and everything that goes wrong when you do business with it. Remind me to post a link to it when I find it, so I won't bother going through it again here, just read the book.

Laos I just came back from. Actually everything downstream from China is quite similar, which makes me think that the source of the Mekong river in China would be very similar to the rest of the other countries, just Chinese. Theres enough Chinese stuff in Laos that you wouldn't think they're totally separate. Its not like they have a Chinatown in their capital, but then who needs to since all the foreigners can't tell the difference between the two kinds of people anyway. I'm pretty sure Ghengis Khan also made it all the way down here so everyone is pretty much related anyway. Otherwise, Laos is a sleepy country where it seems like nobody is in a rush to get anywhere, since theres really nowhere to go, and taking your time lets you drink in the lovely scenic route on your way over there, and maybe stop along the way to explore a cave or bathe in the local waterfall.

Cambodia is a country that just seems wrecked by war, over and over and over again. A lot of the 'attractions' around the capital revolve around how many people and who got massacred during the last 50 years where there have been wars and internal strife on and off. People still suffer from random land mine explosions from munitions left behind decades ago. Siem Reap is the other side of it. While war was still felt there and around it, it feels cleaned up. The land mines either stepped on or cleared so that tourists can come and see the temples.

Vietnam, from the mouth of the Mekong, has two very different parts. The old, French and slightly slower Hanoi which actually still feels a bit communist up in the north, to the capitalist bustling Ho Chi Minh City. I still haven't been in between yet, so not really sure whats in the middle, except for nice spicy noodles with crab. I suppose thats what happens when one city is on the Mekong and the rest are kind of inlandish a bit more. The only thing communist about the south are the customs officers at immigration when you first enter the country. Otherwise I really couldn't tell.

People around the area aren't all that different. A lot of them still make their living from the river itself. Who knows how everyone else got around to building cities and stuff in the middle of nowhere. All you really need is a boat and some fishing rods!

Oh. And the water.

Tuesday, November 06, 2012

Change

Its a strange feeling when you know everything that you have for now won't be the same in a few months. "The only constant is change" so they say. Drastic change is usually a daunting prospect, even if it is initiated at one's own behest.

I don't think I'm that naive to think that changes that I ask for will always end up for the better. Either that is just the way things are or I'm just really bad at making decisions. It will probably be a while and a few experiences later that I will actually figure which of the two it is. I guess this time is a combination of "It can't possibly get any worse" and "I've got nothing to lose".

Now I'm just making myself depressed, so I'm just going to stop here.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Dreaming

I just woke up from a dream. Its 3:30am in the morning and I've got to get up to go to work in about 4 hours.

Its weird because normally I don't remember my dreams. Maybe its because I'm sleeping in a strange bed tonight. Maybe its because I'm still not used to the time difference so waking up at 3am has kind of become the norm these days, and dreaming has become my body's natural way to wake me up at strange hours of the night.

This dream was actually quite strange because I remember it so vividly. For some reason I was going to work in different office. It kind of resembled one of those insane asylums that they use for those horror movies, except for some reason they were doing university lectures in them. I was looking for somewhere to sit, since this office was essentially hot desking. I'd also taken what seemed like the freight elevator to levels 1, 2 and 3, because I couldn't decide which level to go to. Finally getting off at level 3, I stumbled upon a lecture theatre and suddenly remembered I hadn't done my psychology research assignment which was due a few months ago, leaving me with a maximum mark of 40 and already a fail for the subject. For some reason my sister was also around.

How work and university got mixed up was a bit strange, but then I guess it wouldn't have been the first time that I'd been working and studying at the same time. Only probably in real life I'd actually remembered to do all my assignments on time and miraculously never failed a subject.

Anyway then I woke up, as if the stress behind being late for work and failing a subject caused so much stress. If it wasn't 10 degrees in the room I'm sleeping in right now, I suppose it would have been in a cold sweat. So lucky I'm not in Singapore then.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

The thing with death is...

Its been a while since the last death in the family. Fortunately or unfortunately, this last one has not been totally unexpected, so we've had time to prepare. Also its the first close family member on my dad's side of the family, so its a little different than the last.

I don't think it has changed my perspective on death. I guess it has even less of an effect since I wasn't actually in the same geographical location either. Being half a world away makes things that happen back at home seem a more surreal, like they're happening to someone else. I mean, they are, obviously, but I'm just that more removed from it all.

Now its time to decide whether to go back for the funeral service. The decision is suffering from the same level of indifference as the death itself. Maybe I should stop being so cold about it all.

Sunday, October 07, 2012

Sleeping patterns

I've been waking up a lot earlier than usual. I suppose its not totally unexpected, I probably sleep earlier than usual too. The amount of sleep is probably around the same.

The early mornings are generally a better time to think though. This is of course in comparison to the late evenings. At least the sun is out so your forehead can photosynthesise all that light hitting it in the morning. So in addition to waking up earlier, I'm also thinking earlier and probably a bit harder than usual. For example, like now.

There is a problem with this though. Its 8am on a Sunday morning, and it just feels wrong to be awake like this. Sunday morning is, and has been, the traditional time for sleeping in and not worrying about anything until at least lunch time. I want to go back to sleep but I have a feeling its not going to happen. Its also better to digest while sleeping after 10 hours of non-stop eating and drinking yesterday.

Also the stuff I keep thinking about is not exactly the best, but lets not go there.

I'm going to try read myself to sleep again.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Somewhere in Taipei

Its the first day back in Taipei and I've eaten too much already.

That's it so far. Really.

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Getting out and meeting new people

So I thought I should finally make an effort to get out and meet some new people.

It hasn't completely come from no where. The last time I thought I should go and meet new people, it was probably a couple of years ago now and it ended up in catastrophic failure. This is probably why it hasn't really happened since. Rather than going through the last few years of my life in detail like the start of this entire blog, I'll summarise. Essentially - boy meets girl, girl breaks boys heart, boy decides to give up on girls. Not that I'm gay. Not that I'm against gay people and their rights. Not that I should keep digging the proverbial hole in the ground. Perhaps I should just stop there.

Anyway, it is a little dramatic. There is no real defence for it either, other than I couldn't be bothered any more.

So part of the meeting new people thing is just not to say no to things. A lot of the time I might say no to new things where its either far away, I don't know anyone there, or I'd rather just sit at home and read a book. Rarely is it because I really have a lot of better things to do - such is my life.

Now just to get out and start doing some thing. Sitting around and blogging about it isn't really helping the situation though.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Yay

So I saw something today that makes sense. "The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence." - Charles Bukowski I was going to write about it... but I think its OK by itself.