I really don't know whether I should be blogging about this. Its almost like I'm fishing for sympathy, but I'd rather not get any extra because of it.
The day goes like a normal day now. They're longer because I happen to be both getting up earlier and doing more with the time that I have. That is, I'm not just coming home and sitting on my arse. Theres things to do, like walk the dog, do the chores, make chit chat with relatives. Computer games have become only a small part of the evening, but I often wish I could spend more time playing them. It makes the time go a bit faster, or slower, depending on what I'm doing or if I'm doing anything.
Half of me is quite unhappy at the moment. The other half is actually quite confused as to why that is so. It really doesn't make any sense at all. Its quite a constrast to my sister at the moment who is completely smitten and quite enthusiastic about everything she can put her hands on. As I mentioned to Tez the other day, a couple of weeks ago I couldn't have really complained about anything, and nothing has changed since then, but I just don't feel the same. Some things have just become meaningless, and I don't enjoy some things as much as I used to.
One of those things would have to be conversation. I'm sorry if I'm anti social in the near future or have been recently. Its quite deliberate, and I'm really not thinking about anything else, I just don't feel like saying anything. Yes, thats probably exactly what I used to be like at school, and its relevant because the last time I felt like this was probably at school. Even then, I haven't even changed much. Its not that I think nobody wants to hear what I have to say (I've already known that for a while), its almost as if I can't be bothered saying it.
I'm not quite embracing my irrationality as of this moment.
3 comments:
Hey Ez. Long time no see haha. Just thought i'd drop you a little comment to try to cheer u up.
I think when you start feeling down, sometimes the hardest thing is to admit to yourself why. At least that's how it is for me. It might be something you've put out of your mind, or maybe something you've just buried so deep that it's hard to see now, but it's still there nonetheless.
I think the best thing you can do, is to take a bit of time and make an effort to find that thing. And when you do find it, at least admit it to yourself; even if you don't want to talk about it to anyone else.
It's a good exercise for some self-discovery if nothing else (^_^)/
I know exactly what you are missing. Two things:
1) Late night suppers with Sam
2) a chick.
I am a great problem solver, aren't I
If we combine adrian and sam's comments, we can conclude something:
I need to admit to myself that I should eat more with Sam and get myself a chick.
Maybe I just feel left out cos Sam eats out all the time without me and everyone else is already hooked up.
Damn, its so true.
3.....2......1......
Awwwwww
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