This is probably more for the guys. I'm probably alienating the huge proportion of females who read this blog, but oh well! (btw I'm just joking, I don't even have webstats set up on this blog, and I think I'm the only one who reads it. Also if you hadn't noticed, this whole blog is a joke.)
Anyway, without further preamble, here we go.
Heres the classic situation:
"Whats wrong honey?"
"Nothing."
Sometimes followed by: "Just go away, I don't want to see you right now."
Now, does she mean:
a) Nothing
b) Something
c) You
d) All of the above
As contrary as it may seem, the answer actually increases in likelyhood as you go down the list. I shall now attempt to prove this using feminist logic.
A is actually easy to prove wrong. Lets start with the axiom that we want things to be perfect. Women seem to want to change things all the time. This implies that they are currently imperfect. Therefore, something must be wrong - the opposite of nothing. See above for proof of option B.
Now for C to be more correct than option B, you must be subject to more change from women than 'something'. Using emperical evidence, I've NEVER seen a woman want to change a lawn mower, yet women always seem to want me to change things like my clothes, or my hair, or the way my arse seems to take up the whole chair. Assuming that my life experience is a realtively good sample size and leaves a pretty good confidence level, I'd say thats pretty good.
Option D is the weird one. It includes both 'nothing' and 'something'. However, as stated previously, you will find that this option is usually the true meaning of 'nothing'. For option D to be true, the following must be true:
- You must be equal to nothing;
- You must be equal to something;
- Something must be wrong with you
We've already established that something must be wrong with you, otherwise you'd be a lawnmower and wouldn't be able to read this. Though I'm guessing I'll be proven wrong in a few years. In addition, you're also something, even if you're a lawnmower. The problem is connecting you with 'nothing'.
If we can combine the fact that women don't lie about serious things like this, and also that you're being changed by being told to go away (and thereby also being wrong), and also that 'nothing' is wrong, nothing must be something and something must be you, and therefore you must be nothing. Voila! Proof by feminist logic.
Don't try this at home kids.
